Good People, Cool Things
Good People, Cool Things

Episode 117 · 5 months ago

117: Everyday Peace and Superheroes with Dr. Dravon James

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Have you been working towards a long-term goal but can’t seem to reach it? You just might need to implement a system to help get you where you want to go. Luckily, this episode’s guest has the tools you need to accomplish those goals.

Dr. Dravon James is a Transformation Specialist, inspirational speaker, radio host, life coach, and author of Freedom is Your Birthright. She founded Next Step Leadership Academy and Every Day Peace, a platform for her to help and inspire others to reach their dreams.

So, are you ready to learn how to set goals and systems? Let’s dive in!

Good people cool things as a podcast feature and conversations with entrepreneurs, writers, musicians and other creatives. Get inspired by their stories to do your own cool thing, and here's your host, Joey held. Welcome to good people, cool things. Today's guest is Dr Dray von James, and if you've ever had trouble reaching a goal staying in the habit of something, this episode is the one for you, because Dr James has so many great tips about tracking systems instead of goals and how we can kind of build that into our lives instead of striving for something that may not actually be attainable the way we have it set up. It's just a matter of shifting how we're measuring our mindset around all of that and really bringing in I love this concept that she has of everyday piece and being complete. We're trying, you know, like we can't be happy all the time. Hopefully are not sad or mad all the time either. There's got to be a nice balance of everything going on there. Dr James Really Nicely puts how we can be our complete cells, how we can support ourselves with people to reach that next level of greatness, and there's so many good things I mean, you're going to feel like you're ready to run through a brick wall. I would recommend taking the door instead. Hurts a little bit less, but hey, you do what feels right. If you'd like to support good people cool things, head on over to the website. You might be on it right now. You might be listening at good people cool thingscom at this very second. Sign for my mailing less, because you'll get so many other great resources, tools and tips, and you'll be feeling fantastic about all the things you can accomplish, just like you'll feel after this episode with Dr Drey Von James. For people who might not be familiar with who you are, can you give us your name in your elevator pitch, but can you also tell us the type of elevator we're writing on? Oh, awesome. My Name is Dr Drey von James and I am the founder and the creator of a philosophy called every day piece, where I help people reach during next level of greatness by embracing everything that has shown up in their life, the good, the bad, the wanted and the unwanted, and this should be a lot of what I call peace, wholeness, completeness, nothing missing, nothing broken. We will use everything that we have access to to get us where we want to go. Were you always someone like growing up? Were you a super you know, Super Zend kid is super laid back, like introspective kind of child, or to this kind of happen later in life? I think you know that's just the first time someone was asking that. So let me just take a quick moment. I think when I was growing up I've always been very much the I think the term he is like the ampath like I have a desire to help other people feel better. So that's all. I've always been able to be in tune to. Oh, you know, well, you're not feeling well. How can I show you this in a different perspective or get you to reach for something? And it always made me really feel good seeing people do better. So not necessarily Zen like Aus. I believe I could bring drama in a situation, but I had a great mom who I recently lost and she passed away. But I had a great mom who was really really the inspiration behind me just reaching deeper within myself and being true to who I really was, whether or not I even understood it it. Sometimes she just really embraced me, just embracing who I was. I trace a lot of things back to my mom as well, and I think it really is I think we almost underestimate, like how how much are our parents, and flicked sounds bad, but like how much they impart on us, you know, just throughout, like all of the different parts of our life. And and I think that's super cool that you identify that as something that has helped shape you and that it's impacted so many people positively. So one of the things that I thought was...

...was interesting about the everyday piece, aura, as will call it, just the whole sort of things, is that instead of tracking goals, you're more of a believer of tracking systems. So why is it important to do that? You know, and this is through trial and error, but I can tell you I've read a lot of research that really supports the same thought. And what I know is that if we track our goal, and I'll use weight, lost loss, because that's one of my biggest client request for we start working together at the end of a year, beginning of a year, and my life coaching business. People want to lose weight, they want to give the shape and what I often find is that yes, they can get there, that's the goal, but they cannot maintain it right, and so there is a thought process that happens at once I reach this goal, where that's it. We haven't created the new person that you want to be. We just created a new body, temporarily, right, but you yourself are still operating under the old main frame, like you said, have that old operating system. And so what I realize is that if I could get myself, including other people, to embrace becoming the person that they want to become and along the way they're going to get this added benefit, and we'll stick with the example weight loss. You're going to lose his extra five or ten pounds. That's great, but this is the person that you're becoming, a person who embraces and enjoys eating healthy, enjoys moving their body and getting exercise, enjoys getting some light, enjoys getting a good amount of sleep at night. That's who you are. So we create systems to enforce this new person that you're becoming, because we get to create our selves over and over and get in this lifetime, and that's exciting. We can really get behind us. Oh my gosh, I guess who I decided to be now, and now I'm this person, and that is sustainable. You becoming that person who keep you in line with that goal. And it's next question might be a little selfish, but I think it'll help up the audience as well because, as you were saying, those things like wanting to eat healthier, wanting to get outside more, wanting to get a good night's sleep, I'm sitting here nodding like yeah, I'd like, I'd like all of that, but this past month I have done the exact opposite of that. As I I've had some some trips pop up and things that, you know, I kind of knocked me off my normal schedule, which I am already using it as an excuse for that. So for people that maybe do have a little little bit of a harder time kind of getting started and continuing that, what are some of the tips you offer for them? All? The number one tip I have is, let's not overwhelm the system. Now, well, we're trying to start something new. There is you know, we have this adrenaline Russia. I can do it. We want to get in there, we want to give it all we have, and I say let's not do that let's look at where we are today and let's go really small. I call it go small to win big. We're going to change in such small, almost unnoticeable ways that are super, super easy, that we could not feel. And once we get those tiny wins, they were going to move up to the next one. So, you know, first thing I started doing what I said. You know what, I do need more than four hours to sleep and I and I thought to myself, I'm just going to create an environment that is inviting for sleep. So I just changed the light bulbs in my room, just changed into a different color. So when I turn on that that lamp that's on my nightstand, it's a soothing color and it's not as bright. And that was my and I was just so proud of myself. And that last it for a little while and then I went on to the next step. And in the next step, nothing that's earth shattering at first, but those tiny little steps helped to create create big, huge change in our life over time. You be surprised if, because the brain gets a win and we get that indoorphins Russian, you know, we start seeing, oh my gosh, I can do this, or what does in my in my personal example about changing the light bulb in my room and just making sure that I've turned it on. Like when it was time to turn a...

...light on in my room, I turned that light on and it made something in my brain for like, Oh, this is so nice. I should be winding down right now, right, and I started answering that question with okay, well, you know what, let's will take the hot shower, let's go to in all of a sudden I was developing a system of how I wind down, how I rewarded my body, and I actually called it a reward, how I rewarded my body for the work in the service that it had done all day. And I imagine that you also try to keep things out that maybe don't lead to winding down. So I assume you probably don't have you probably not working when you're in the bedroom and you're probably not. I'm just going to pull this example because my friend told me that he recently moved into a new house and in the bedroom they had a mini fridge that was already installed. Probably don't have like caffeinated beverage. It's in here, but I'll tell you if first I was a bit offender and we all know that you shouldn't take work to your bed, right. So, but I was a big offender all, you know, let me just take my lap cop in there. But now the light is so dim and it's you know, my eyes just can't do it. So that's great, I can't do the glare from the from the computer screen is dim light and I thought, well, this is useless right at my eyes attired. Let me just turn the computer off and all of my systems started working together and I started tracking like, you know, okay, well, what time that I go to bed last night? Oh my gosh, did you get six hours sleep? That's great. And as I started developing the habits of the person that I wanted to become and I started rewarding myself when I went to bed early, you know, five nights out a week, and I felt refreshed and like Oh my gosh, this is so great, you know, and start talking to myself in that manner that this is something that I was doing for me as a reward for me in still in this is something people miss a lot of times. Most people a lot of their days it's been their days punishing themselves for something right. So we are talking to ourselves. Were behaving towards ourselves the way that we don't want other people to see and behave towards us. So we're punishing ourselves for not finishing the report on time or, you know, not getting this right or not doing that, and we think, well, that's how I'm going to get better, but it really isn't. It basic it braces us against ourselves. So if we really want to have positive change, we've got to find ways to re ward ourselfs Oh my Gosh, you're doing this so great. And that's why I like to start with the tiny, tiny, tiny objectives. Changing the light bulb in my room and didn't really applauding myself because I had to go to the store out of my routine get that light bulb. You know, okay, change it. You know, how long did it sit on the Dia Rood table before I actually take it upstairs? Lamp, you know how life goes, right. But when I did that, I really celebrate myself and I celebrate the next step in the next step. So I tell people always go small, don't go for the big thing, go for the tiny thing. That would people just say, Oh, it doesn't make a difference. It does make a difference. I love it and I'm picturing all the things are on the dining room table right now that I have been in the household for at least, look, at least a week, right. You like, I'll get to it, I'll get to I'll tell you. There have been days, you know, that I'll go the whole day. I'll never even go into the kitchen. I'm like Goll you know, and I have time. It's between the office, the bathroom in the bedroom. One thing that I think is is kind of interesting is just like the mindset shift that we've kind of had around happiness and empathy and even working towards something that we want to accomplish. I think that's changed a little bit in the pandemic because we've seen like hey, you know, we don't need to sit in the office all day because we're working from home. Like we're able to be productive at home too. Maybe you get more time with kids or, in my case, you get more puppy cuddles and scratches throughout the day, which are fantastic. Wiz, to get back on track, I'm it for a little, a little out of it. I'm like, we just I'm just get a couple belly...

...robs. Will be all right. Have you seen that since you've been you've been coaching people for longer than the past two two and a half years. Have you seen kind of like a shift as the pandemic has come and now we're kind of in like the post wave of it? Or is it has it kind of been consistent from pre pandemics to post pandemic? Oh, I've definitely seen the shift. I had a client just before I got out this interview with you and we were talking about her new hybrid schedule that came about during you know, I call it, you know, the Charles Dickens of life, you know, the worst of times, in the best of times. We wouldn't wish covid on anyone, but during that time some great things that discovered. In one was the hybrid schedule, which means that she now can work a certain number of days per week from home and then a certain number of days she gets to go into the office. Is the best of both worlds and she gets to select those days. Now, prior to that, most jobs just couldn't figure out how to make that work. Just seem absurd right and we think of how good it is for the environment to have, you know, not so many automobiles and all that on the road all the time, and people's happiness factor goes up. Whether you love working at home or you love being in the office, having that choice and having that atomy over yourself really has improved. At least for my client base. There's sense of wholeness as it relates to their work, in their sense of work life balance. They just, you know, they enjoy that and I do have clients say, you know what, after and I had a one yesterday is for a little kids means you said, you know, I really look forward to the days that when I when I can come into the office, because at four kids, you know, all of them are our home and she, as I look forward to those days, but then she looks forward to the days when she doesn't have to get a sitter and she can stay home with the children. So it's really great to have this as a result of of the covid yeah, there's definitely been some days where I'm like, Oh, it's nice to be in the office and just it's sometimes not even within the home. It's just, you know, construction going on outside or we live at a corner right where there's a bus stop and I don't know what it is. I don't think I did this when I was riding the bus. This is going to be a get off my lawn moment. But and sometimes literally, because sometimes the kids do legitimately walk onto our lot and I've seen drop candy rappers sometimes and I was like come on, you can take that to your house and throw it away. But every time they get off the bus it's just like fifteen minutes of just screaming, like it's not even like loud yelling and talking, it's like straight like it sounds like someone's maybe being attacked. And sometimes I've kind of peeked out the window likes everything okay out there. It's like no, it's just kids excited to get off the bus. So they're like yelling, screaming. But there are some days where I'm working on something where I'm like I would love concentration right now. So it is very nice to Kinda have that ballad right right. It's see you those things in end and even to be home and to see what happens around your home during those hours and with most of us would never see our house at two o'clock in the afternoon. We don't know what's going on right. Nice to reacquaint ourselves to what's going on in our communities at that time of day. See, I'm definitely seeing that that happiness factor system morale at people's jobs. And I do executive coaching as well and I see that with people just Gol more engaged because they really do have this best of both worlds and I think that is one good thing that has come out of this whole covid pandemming. Of course, they're probably many, many others too, but that has been a consistent one amongst my client base. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people have developed new hobbyists as well or, you know, accomplished something that they had been putting off. Yeah, it's funny. I read an article that said in our country, the United States, online spending the shopping would do the roof right, and I can just tell you my own community there is Amazon trime dry all day long, right, but it's said other countries. I think talked about China, how online has been...

...didn't change at all. Right, so I think what I took away from that is that, you know, we I would like to see more self awareness happen and more development of relationships with those people that we live with. I know a lot of it did happen. We did a lot of shopping to and making things more pleasure board home, and of course that's that's always a plus as well and a welcome thing to do. But one of the major things that I work with my client base, and we moved virtually everybody to online sessions, was that while you're in your home and we're having this this quiet time, if you will take time to really get to know you, take time to Unplug, and I even without covid pandemic guy, really encouraged this unplugged and get to listen. Take time to listen to those thoughts that are running around your head, not to participate in them, not to chastise them, just to listen to what's going on there without the chatter of the outside world. Pay attention it. We would be so much more adjusted to life in the circumstances if we paid attention, more selfaware. And I imagine you mean to do this during the day and not when you're trying to fall asleep, because that would be another, another deterrent in the bedroom of just your mind racing. Well, now here. That here's what I recommend this. I'm so oh, you're bringing up such good points. So I recommend what I call painting yourself as a superhero before you go to bed, because you're right. Many people, when they put their head down on the bed, what they tend to think about is that is did. Here we go again with this self abusing ourselves. We start to think about all the things that I should have, could have, would have done right, and then I'm fly and now my Gosh, and all this shame and guilt and condemnation and torture self, torture happens. Instead of doing that, I'd tell people's so we put your head on that pillow. I want you to reframe the whole day and find areas in your day where you are a superhero with the Cape on, just making it happen, either for yourself or for somebody else. And that means even if you lost your cool and in a meeting or something that nature, you recovered, didn't you? Now that's superhero stuff, right. Just start looking for ways where you can pat yourself in the back. As it I'm so impressed by you. My goodness. I hope you sleep well. I can't wait to see what adventures you're taking me on tomorrow like that. What would your Superhero Mb oh, my goodness, you know I have a I used to say probably Queen verbosity right, because I like to talk, but I realize as I got more selfaware, I really don't like to talk that much. If you made clean verbosity, I would just maybe be the queen of Zen like that. I like that when you challenge your brain like that, it's so exciting to drift off to sleep because you're going through your day. You know you got your tape on. Maybe how use your imagination, make it whatever you want, you know, whatever kind of superhero you want to be. My son, when he was a little used to tell me all the time. Perhaps this is where I got that from. He's said, Mommy, would you choose being able to fly or being invisible as this were his favorite conversations. He's nineteen and in college now, but I remember it like it was yesterday and he would always give me these superhero powers that I'd have to choose from my couldn't know I could only have one power, but he'd come every day and he give me a different one and I started just thinking about that. Well, what I do today. That was super, super and he would say, would you like to be able to move things with your mind? And I would tell him all the time, all myles I do that. I said, watch, my hand is right here and I'm going to use my mind and make my hand. So we would have these great conversations that were kind of silly,...

...but from that I started thinking about how how amazing we really are and we do not give our self credit for being the superheroes that we are. Yes, I have had those discussions many times as well, and I think, yeah, I think it's a really nice perspective to frame it like that. Now, I know we just called you the queen of Zen. We just gave you that name. Are Yourself in it, but we're embracing the Z in this. But I'm curious, because you practice every day piece. You you strive to be happier and help other people be happier. I'm sure you still get mad and I'd love to know what something that makes you angry. Oh my goodness, do I get mat okay, so first, before I do that, I got to tell you that my definition, my philosophy, every day piece. When I talk about peace, I define pieces, wholeness, completeness, nothing missing, nothing broken, totality. And I hope when I say that you here in there, that we're going to get angry, we're going to have mistakes. This is part of the whole will puzzle right. And so I allow for everything. And I think the thing that, as I become more and more self, a weird of thing that makes me angry is I want to see get the right words, is watching people engage in, I guess, so hatred. I've all I mentioned it sort of kind of a lot on this call already, like punishing yourself, like leaving all your rewards on the table and going for the punishment. I'm like, now, don't do that, my God't you see this win here? And so with myself, I challenge myself because we're all human. I do that too. I'll go I'll focus on something like, you know, the one thing that I wish I hadn't said, or the one, you know, obvious things that I wish I hadn't missed in a conversation, and that that just really frustrates me and causing me to go back to this place of quiet reflection and quiet gratitude and appreciation and just try to love on myself all over again. But that does ruffle my feathers when I see that and I just think, oh my goodness, how do we keep doing this? You know, I wish there was like in the Matrix, you know, a red pill and blue tell something to stop this self punishment. Well, no, no pills, that I know of at least, but who knows, maybe in ten, twenty years we gotta to discontinue with whatever. Yeah. Well, I mean, depending on who you ask, we're all in what like thirty five different timelines anyway. So maybe it's maybe someone will cross over, they'll have bills and and yes, it can be like the Matrix, but until then I like, I like your advice there. The reason I kind of asked about this was this morning I had gotten starbucks, which I like to support local coffee shops, but sometimes starbucks is like it we'll give you a bunch of free stars if you buy something, which it's not free because you're buying things, but I digress. It's fine, but every time I go to any coffee shop or get any amount of beverages where it's more than two. I only have two hands. So I say, let me get one of these little holders, and every time I'd leave the drinks in the holder. But the way car seats work, they're like a little inclined. Every time it's spills, I'll take a turn and one or more of the drinks just tip over and typically that means there's now some sort of beverage on my seat or on the floor, and that happened again today. It is just like, why don't I learn, like why don't I change this? It seems like a very fixable thing, and so now I'm going to be more more considered of them more. I know I credited myself for picking up the drink quickly recovering most of it, but it was just I was just thinking. I was like, Huh, that's a that's a consistent thing that I think I should be able to change right or I you know what I hear. I hear and bention coming right. But you're going to be able to and fit to make that Yo, you'll be the next multi millionaire because you're going to solve that problem for all. Yes, make a drink carriers well, a that are better for the environment, but also just that are slightly angled, maybe like a seventy five degree angle. Right. Let me...

...talk to like I know geometry real well, but it's coming together. It's coming together. Something I like to ask is a question you wish you were asked more frequently and for you, how can I, or anyone listening, how can they find a group of supportive people to help reach the next level of greatness? Oh, thank you so much asking that question, because I wish more people knew and understood that life is a team sport. And you know, there used to be this phrase. Used to hear it a lot. Are I see her lat Oh, it takes a village to raise raise a child. It takes a village to do anything. That's why there's more than just one of us, right. And so getting to your next level of greatness and having it be sustainable and having you be there so that you can enjoy it will take a village of support. You will support people and people will support you. So, whether you do that inside of a relationship with family and friends, with a clergy person, with the mentor of my one of my favorite ways is with a life coach, is get people on your team. You get to be that you get to be the or the scalped, but you get to go out in this beautiful, big world and say, Hey, I need a person like you on my team. Take ownership of that. Take creative responsibility for creating the team that you need to get you to your next level of greatness. And one of the things that I have created, and I'm so proud of, because we've been able to really reach a lot of people and a is a coaching group called leaders and high heels, and what I do is I use leadership skills that I've been a leadership and health careful for thirty years and I use leadership skills to show women how they are transferable to every area of their lives to help them improve their health, their wealth and their relationships. So, whether you're trying to start your business or write a book or, you know, improve some health journey that you're on, or improve a key relationship or start in a relationship, you can learn some key skills that will help you to do that, to give you quantum leaves and you can be part of a collective, supportive environment to get you there. So I really encourage people find a team, create a team, don't just hap hazard your life, really start looking and knowing what it is you need in order to be supported to your next level. Love at now drive on your almost off the hook care we always like to wrap up with a top three and you've been dropping tips throughout this entire episode, but for the the we can call it the too long, don't read version. I'm acting like this as a radio show, like people are going to drop it in the middle, like if they've the kinding of this conversation. What are your top three tips for success that people can start doing right now? Oh, let me see, I think right now, if I were to tell someone to do something right yeah, I would say get some rituals in your life. Morning ritual and an evening ritual, something that you do first thing in the morning. It gets you jazz to create your day, whether that is listen to some music that gets your heart rate of and gets you excited and positive, that puts you in the mindset, in your mindfulness, so that you can create the day of you want. And then an end the day ritual. I told you one of my favorite ones, which is in the day as a superhero, or get I called the book in Your Day started take ownership of the day, take ownership of the night. Next I will tell you this. Tip Number two. Stop multitasking. Please stop doing that. Only two percent of the population can multitask and have increased creativity. Focus in productivity. The other ninety percent of us are feeling miserably at that. So do not multitask. Single task everything, one, one thing in this moment. And then I cannot end without my favorite thing, which is gratitude. When you have a gratitude practice as simple as...

...listing three things that you're grateful for every day, you will draw more things in your life to be grateful for. It is extremely powerful. Gratitude is, oh my gosh, it's almost like magic. Very dust love some good magic. Well, Dr Drayvon James, thank you so much for taking the time to chat. This was great. I've got my nighttime routine. I'm already mapping it out. It's going to be fantastic and I look forward to putting some of us into practice. Of people want to learn more about you, what you're doing. Where can they find you? The number one play that reach me is on my website, which is Dr Dr Dray von James, as Dr Dre a BP of dictory Oh in James, Dray von Jamescom and I have a podcast on mine, body and spirit. I just moved over from the unity online radio network to mind, body and spirit. It's called everyday piece with Dr dray Baron James. Fantastic. Go check all of those out and thank you again for taking the time to chat. It's been wonderful. Likewise, and of course we got to end with a Corny joke, as we always do. What do cows most like to read? What do cows I don't know. Milk bottles. I like that. I was going with cattle logs. Ah, definitely a people. Good people cool things is produced in Austin, Texas. If you were a fan of this episode, go ahead and hit that follow button. That helps more people here the show. You can send me a message Joey at good people cool thingscom. Thank you to all of the guests who have been on good people cool things and check out all the old episodes via good people, cool thingscom. As always, thank you for listening and have a wonderful day.

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