Good People, Cool Things
Good People, Cool Things

Episode 25 · 2 years ago

25: Improving Mental Toughness with Dr. Rob Bell

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Dr. Rob Bell shares his tips for improving mental toughness, defines what a hinge moment is and how to identify them, some of his most painful experiences, and shares highlights from his new book, Puke & Rally.

Welcome to good people, cool things, the podcast featuring conversations with entrepreneurs, writers, musicians and other creatives. I'm your host, Joey held, and today's guest is Dr Rob Bell, a mental toughness coach who's worked with all different kinds of athletes, from golfers to Olympic medalists, synchronize national champions. They're all using his teaching as part of their preparation and getting out there on the course, on the field, on the arena, wherever they're playing. And if you're not inspired by the end of this episode, I don't know what to tell you. We're doing our best for we're laying it up for you because rob has so many great stories of overcoming tough moments in his life, of athletes of overcoming tough moments in their life, and they all are encapsulated in his book Puke and rally, which is available now. He's written six other books, all on Sports Psychology, overcoming challenges and basically being a better version of yourself, and I think you'll learn lots. You'll have a lot to take away from this episode. If you want to get in touch with the show, you can do so in a couple different ways. Follow facebook or twitter, at GPCT podcast, or shoot me an email joey at good people, cool thingscom. You can also support the show via the march store. It up good people, cool thingscom and then click the shop button. You can get all kind of wacky delightful merch but for now here's my conversation with rob. One of your hinge moments was falling off a cliff in college. What was your first thought when that happens? Well, I mean it was funny, man, because it was like, you know, I was conscious during the whole thing, you know. I mean it was out there, it was it was the cause and part of the solution to why I fell, but it was, you know, being conscious during the whole thing. was like wild falling and then just laying at the bottom of it. And the brain does something really crazy because when you're in that amount of pain, like you don't really feel you know you're hurting right, but like you look, your arm is hanging off, a lot of blood rush now you can wiggle your toes, but you're in a lot of pain and the brain just does something amazing, just goes into self protect mode, you know, and it's like you know, being conscious during the whole thing and then just having them be able to take me the hospital or my mom as a nurse, and so she's the oldest of eleven Catholic family right. No sympathy on me whatsoever, man. It happens on a Friday and I'm back to school on Monday. Wow. And and now I'm that Guy Right walking around, limping, limping around campus. Now I mean extreme amount of pain, a lot of a lot of meds, and and I'm that guy like, oh my, that's the guy right there that fell off that cliff and you never want to be that guy. And and they you know, the trouble with that was then baseball was over, that was the end of sports, and that one then it caused a lot of pain because my whole identity was shocked. You know, I really screwed up, and when you mess up that bad, you on that that scar tissue, I think, kind of lingers, you know, with mentally. So I mean how do you deal with that stuff? Well, being a college kid without any coping skills, no sports, do the same exact thing, man. So you still drink and use drugs. And that was you know, I wish that was the end of it, man. You know, I share this because it's it's just part of my history. You know, I was messed up kid man, knuckle ahead, and I wasn't even in a drunk driving accident then the end of my freshman year. So that happened at the fall, drunk driving accident at the end of my freshman year in the spring, and then it was messed up again. And so it was. It takes me two by four moments to kind of get it, you know, you got to take a two by four smack it over my head. But but I survived, man, and you know, nobody else was hurt and you know, it's...

...just blessed, man, to be given another shot, and I share this one. It's like, wherever, whatever the stance is on Lands Armstrong, I know you're an Austin everything, but it's like he had that. He had a real righteous quote. I remember, because this is around, you know, the S, stuff like that, late s and when his book came out in one of the lines was if you ever get a second chance of life, you got to go all the way, and I remember that at the time I just thought that was such a righteous thing that I never I always hold on to that one because it was like look, when you're giving it another shot, I wasn't going to blow it and I've felt I was given another shot and I certainly won't going to blow that one. Awesome and and you called that one of your hinge moments, which I think is a recurring theme in your writing and teaching and all that. Can you just quickly describe what a hinge moment is and how people can recognize one when they're when they're experiencing or can they go through something and not realize that's a hinge moment? Yeah, absolutely so. I mean the hinges. You know, every door has a hinge. If we hear about doors opening and closing in life, that's because of the hinge. If you ever hear of like a rusty door, it's not the door that's rusty at all, it's the hinge that's rusty. So with the hinges in our lives, it's going to be that one moment, that one person or one of them, that makes all the difference in our lives. It connects who we are with who we're going to become. But the thing is is we just don't know when or who that's going to happen. But the beauty about it is this is with with these hinge moments that happen, connecting who we are with who we're going to become. See, we can't know because you can't connect the dots in life looking forward right we have no idea how this mystery is going to work out. We can only connect the dots looking backwards and seeing the impact that one person had our life, that one coach that had our life meeting that one person. And so sometimes we don't know. The hinge connects to a weeks, months, years later, the impact of it. But what I believe in the room importance of mental toughness or our mental wellness and mental strength, is that no matter how bad things are, no matter how bleak our situation is or how bad outcome is, it only takes one only takes one moment to turn everything around, and that's what we're really getting ready for. But we've got to be prepared for those moments because when our moment hits too late to prepare. Now I share a hinge moment about a cliff, because tragedies that happen in our life their immediate hinges because from that moment on everything's different. A significant injury, death of a loved one, cancer, I mean real tragedies that happen. Most of our lives are just big inconveniences, but the tragedies that happen are are immediate, because from that moment on everything's different. And then we really recognize those hinge moments and then it's a just a different kind of game. As far as I guess, the mindset shift that they can cause. Have you seen? You kind of touched on this a little bit of like it can be several years like that, but our people then able to point back to it and be like that was at that was when everything turned around. I think that's a big part of it because we got to be able to, you know, life point. I'm going to mess up that quotement, I can't believe because I haven't used in such a long time, but it's like an unexamined life is not worth living. You know, we have to be able to I think if you do a kind of want to consistent basis, I think you can make those hinge moments stronger. You meet somebody, six months later they contact you, right. I mean that's that's a possible hinge moment. So it's like, you know, I always look at it in terms of relationships, because the relationships those hinge moments are the ones that are going to last. You know, we're going to have the catch of the ball, we're going to have, you know, the deal that goes through, the deal that doesn't go through, you know the put that goes in, those sort of things, but it's the people that we meet at those appropriate time. So that's where I think it's like, you know, being able to cultivate those relationships and keep those relationships going, because we have no idea when they're going to need you and and...

...that's the part man, I just look at it. So I think it's it's a introspective journey and exercise that we do on a constant basis be able to look back and say, Hey, what we're what were these moments that happen? Look, a lot of the the hinge moments are painful moments. Right the time, I made a mistake and I lost that deal, I lost that game and now I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Hinge moment. You know, I working with the athlete here. One of his hinge moments, and we're talking about it is going over five with five strikeouts, and this isn't like a little league player, like. I mean, this is a professional baseball player, man, but we're pointing at that moment because the point is is like look, that's is worse as I can get. It can't get any worse than that when it comes to the game. And it's not about the setback. It's always about to come back. You're going to have other opportunities in that. So what did you learn from it? And then you can look at it. It's like an autopsy. We do the autopsy and then we bury that body, and so that's that's a part where I look at it. You know, those hinge moments can really be big teaching lessons for us. Awesome. I just had a flashback to little leg. Once pitcher started throwing curveballs, it was just founstant strike out those. God No, that's my problem too, man. And so you kind of alluded to this, that there's a lot of pain, and I think that your recent book title captures the Super Well, Puke and rally. Yeah, of there's a lot of pain. There are so many times if you're pushing yourself during a workout where you want nothing more than to just like vomit and pass out. So could you kind of take us inside puken rally and what readers can expect? Yeah, and I appreciate that, man. I mean the do we have time for the story about why the book is written? Of course, okay, you got it, man. That's the best part about podcast and if there's radio showed in that time I was doing my first ultra marathon and the weather up to that point was kind of in Thei S and I was training in cold weather and on flat ground, and the day of the race it was in the H S and it was ultra hilly terrain, I mean over five thousand feet of elevation, and I got in way over my head. I got dehydrated very early on the race. Makes Sense. A lot of bells and whistles were going off early that this is a problem. And I get to Mile Twenty in this ultra marathon and I get up to the you know, the aid stations are kind of like tailgates, right, just without the alcohol. You got anything you want, man, and I sit there and I'm looking at that gatorade. That looks really good and of course I got to have that and I got to have some of his pretzels and the potatoes and the MM's and the twizzlers, because I'm not in a good spot and I need something to make me feel better and I just consume and consume. Try Phone and neutral where I can, but once you hit that dehydration spot, once you go too far, nothing's really going to help you. You know, you have to be able to shut it down. So of course I kept going. Four miles later I was going to meet my family and I get up to the top of the so this is how bad I was. Is My my wife and kids like they knew something was wrong because I wasn't at the checkpoint. They hike down this massive hill and I see him. I'm sitting there right, I'm sitting there. I like, all right, man, you just got to you know, five hundred yards. Just got to get it going. I mean his man. I mean it was not a good spot and I'm like when I see them, I'm like, okay, just keep up with them, and I see him. I can't even keep up with them. Then I can go maybe twenty yards at a time and I'm sitting back down, you know, and when I get up to the top of that hill, everything, everything comes up, you know, projectile vomit. I don't mean to gross out any readers, you know, but look, we've all puked and this was one of those instances where my kids seem their daddy thrown up, have no idea what's going on and the skies open up and so we'd retreat in to the car. You know, they were there and in that becomes an important part, because the skies open up, it's dumping rain. I'm opening...

...the back door puke and closing the door, looking at him crying, you know. My wife comes in. She says, you know, I you know, I dropped you out and I couldn't argue. You know, my eyes are sunken him and Purple Lips. Everything not a good spot. And we go back to the cabin and on the way back to the cabin my son says to my wife, you mean daddy had to quit. See, in our family you do not quit like that. Is the thing, like whatever you start you will finish. And I'm in the shower, got the chills, you know, the dry heaves. I pass out probably about half hour. Forty five minutes. I kind of wake up and still not in a good spot, but I kind of was able to eat something, have some water. They're taking a nap by this point, you know, and it's late afternoon. About an hour and a half had passed and I remember his voice and I go to my wife. I'll wake her up. I said we're finishing this race. She thought she thought I was kidding and she saw my look. I said, we didn't come here to paint. That's always the thing when you say right, we didn't come here to paint, we came here to finish the race. She took me there, drop me off and, you know, I completed that race and that was the point. like, you know, that something bad could have happened, and you know what absolutely could have and I'm not saying that we need to put our bodies in jeopardy, but the fact is is this became an analogy for life, because we all are going to Puke. We're all going to have these setbacks, financial crisis, cancer, that again, death of a loved one getting fired, missing the shot. We're going to have major puke moments in our life. But not everybody is going to be able to rally. And when I could put together those pieces and we heard it right. You hear the cliches. Man Fall Down Seven, get up eight. The thing that nobody tells you is how bad that hurts. You get knocked out. It is painful when you fail. It's painful. It hurts so bad because it goes to the core of who you are and your soul. Right you put everything you have into it and gets ripped out. I don't know anything that's more painful than that. And so that is what prevents us from being able to rally, and it's past any kind of cliches. It's being able to identify those puke moments that are actually going to help us. So puke and rally. It's not about the setback, it's about to come back, and that's the whole attitude and philosophy. I think that if we adopt a head and in then the worst thing that can happen to us really just becomes these moments that we're going to be able to rally. And what I believe is that if we never give up, that we will be successful. That's the guarantee and I know that to be true, man, because I see it too often. The reason why is because it only takes one, hundreds of nose hunters, of rejections, and then that's that's what the book all became about, man, is people that puked in public, in the public eye, that had the worst kind of failures, and they came back and they made something of themselves, man. They came back stronger than what they were. And the thing is is, once we puke, we enjoy the rally even more. Something comes easy to us. How much, how much joy is there? And I can keep talking about it, man, but that's that's the premise of the book. Who can rally, man. It's now about the setback. is about to come back. Awesome, and I imagine part of that too, is having that support system around you, in your case your son. If you were on your own on that, you might have just been like, I feel miserable, I'm tapping out, but it was his words that triggered something inside of you. Yeah, no question, man, and that was and that was been, the big motivation, you know, for my life, man, is to be the model for, you know, my wife and kids, man, and that's that's, you know, I tell them all the time. We're the reason why we train, the reason why we get after especially in the pandemic, is, you know, that's how we do it, that's how we operate and you all push me and I push you and but we're a team, were family and this is preparation for moments that are going to be tough and that's that's the biggest motivation for sure. Man, I wanted them to be able to model and see it, and you know, I got a hundred mile or it's coming up this year and you know, I want them to see what's possible and...

I think if we can model those things, because we very rarely scratch the surface on what's possible and what we can do because our mind puts limits on it naturally does that right because it wants to keep us safe. I wanted to be able to bust through, man, and I think you know, being able to model those behaviors are the biggest motivation for me. Then you mention the pandemic and how you're still keeping up with everything during it. Have you found with the athletes that you're working with that they have that similar mindset? If they want to keep training, they want to keep working for when their sports eventually do resume or in some cases they already have resumed. Yeah, or has it been a little more difficult, because I'm thinking I, like the NFL, might not start on their the regularly scheduled season. That's still kind of up in the air. I know baseball and basketball have their their start dates set, but there's still a lot of unknown so has that affected their sort of mindset and way they're approaching stuff, or is it pretty much par for the course? Well, I think you know, and I'm a small piece of their team's right, I'm a small piece of it. I totally admit that. But being a part of their team, I became very important and it was a big reminder from them that you can't go on what ifs. You know, we don't know dates, stuff like that, because when you do that and you start playing that game, you're on a mental roller coaster. So the only thing is is your preparation today. What are we doing this week? What's in your control? What do you need to get better at, regardless of when you're going to be returning to competition? If you can adapt that mindset, then it's the practice in the process that becomes so much more important than any kind of product that we're going to get. You can fall in love with that process and your preparation. That's where I think, man, they did such a good job about is, you know, we don't know when the next one's going to be. So are you going to prepare for today? And that becames the tough part, right because, man, but a couple weeks in a row, man. Yeah, absolutely. You need to put the schedule in there about when you need to put the brakes in there. You know when you need to put those rests in there. But then that becomes scheduled. It's not like, okay, I just don't feel like it, because then the mind's the one that's dictating whether or not you're going to be training hard. and You keep attacking and they kept attacking and it's going to reap the benefits. Man, no question, one of the sports that kind of has gotten underway a little bit as golf. Yeah, I which is you're heavily involved with that. You've caddied over twenty events on pro golf tour. So I need to know what's the best course that you've gotten to walk on or play on, even you know the best course I didn't caddy. I mean, obviously is Augustin Nashville. I mean the masters spent the entire week there and I'll be there this year, but I don't go as a spectator. Only go and you know, domestic capacity, being able to work and you know, professionally, that was the best week my career, man. You know, being a ride up Magnolia Lane. This how awesome it was, because it is the one event that lives up to the hype. It is hyped up so much and it definitely lives up to the hype. This is how cool it was. Then we get to ride up Magnolia Lane every morning and the very last day we're all going our separate directions. So my golferend made the cut and finish. You know, twenty one had a great event. I had to go in general parking that last day. That's how an amazing event it was. Now, man, dude, I got to do a general parking, but Augusta national with without question, man, and I mean there's just so many you know, the office when it comes to golf, man, is just such the cool part. You know, I'd say one of the best course that probably caddied was probably the Green Brier, you know, the old white there in West Virginia. It's an incredible course, incredible track and and the feeling that you have there is great, man, awesome. Do you have a least favorite course from from my maybe just one more. You didn't hit as well as you would have liked. Man, that was caddying. I hinge moment that I had was a very first event that I caddied and...

...my golfers playing really well and we come up on the ninth green the second day of the tournament and also to the ball and I grabbed the ball and thinking that on the man and all that stuff. I kind of get caught up in the moment and the ball drops in the bag. I reach out, I grabbed the ball and at Tulsa to him and then we walk. He makes the PUTTIES in first place. Second Day of the tournament, though, walking on the tent tea box and nine more holes to go, and I kind of op it was a feeling of dread that ever came to their Joe and it was like wait, that was a Calloway to blue circle right. He wants to know why I'm asking them. He looks into Calwie for Blue Circle. I handed him the wrong golf ball. Rules of Golfer very specific, man. You have to start and in each hole with the same ball. You can do anything you want with at the end of the whole but the rules of golf also say you call all penalties on yourself. We call the rules official over two shot penalty. Now, I've made mistakes before, man, in my life. Right. I already shared a couple and I never felt as small as I did at that moment. So that was the most painful experience caddion. But that became a huge lesson in terms of responding, not reacting, when people make mistakes. That was a big one. Yeah, I can tell that story for like ten minutes, man, but I want to be respectful of you in your time, you know. But that was that was a big one. Then, Hey, you can, you can expand as much as you need to. You know. It's I basically say this right, he doesn't say anything to me for that next hole and you can imagine how bad I felt. I mean the negative voice I was in my head, man. I really I wanted to set the bag down, go to the car, go home and kill yourself. That's how bad I felt at that moment. You know, I mean, because it couldn't get any worse. How can you be so stupid, rob how can you make such a mistake? Yeah, and he doesn't say anything to me for that whole next hold still doesn't say anything to me, and then the whole after he kind of looks at me says look, man, he says, I need you, he says we're going to get that shot back, but either you can't do this mental game stuff or the sports like stuff, or either you don't believe it. But I don't care, man, I need you. And I remember I was like, all right, man, I can do it, I'm in you know. And it taught me the power of man when we got to interact with other people, especially our athletes, is we got to respond. Don't react, or reactions are usually incorrect. Somebody cut you off in traffic, my reaction is going to be incorrect. If I react, fire off quick email, react on facebook, right, social media, and if I react it's going to be all right. People are doing that a lot, unbelievable nowadays. Yeah, but if we respond, then I delete that facebook post. I never even post it, right. I don't send the email I take the deep breath, cool, calm and collect. If you think of a first responder, that's somebody trained to handle these situations, and that's the party taught me. That biggest lesson right there and man, is respond, don't react, and now share that. I still mess up, right, I still mess up. The only thing is is hopefully I mess up less than what I do next time, because I still have bad reactions. Man, I still mess up, and that's a part about mental toughness that I'm is probably my weakness, but I think that's a big part of it. Man, it's can you respond, don't react, and that was the lesson I got from that one there. I'd like to that. I was thinking, like when he's not saying anything like that's almost worse. Like if he had like said like hey, you screwed that up right away on that ten hole, he's like hey, you screw that up, we're going to move on. You would have had that response even sooner, but it was like that silence, and I think that goes back to having that team and communicating amongst each other so that you're not knowing, because I've been in situations like that to where I'm like I know I messed up and the other person's just not saying a word and I'm like it's just, yeah, it's Gnawing at you. But then when they finally say something, even if it is just to like yell at you, like Hey, you really screw that up, but it's like will overcome that. But by acknowledging it, it almost kind of takes you pass. It's kind of that the start of that rally. Yeah, and you know, I see a lot man with with businesses to you know, if why do we keep digging up the body of the mistake? We do the autopsy and...

I think in your point, you know, the communication piece is big, man. We've got to be able to communicate it the right way. I'm not saying I'm great about it, because when I if people close to make a mistake, man, I definitely retreat because I don't want to lash out, you know, and I know if I if I say anything that's going to lash out, it's going to be incorrect and then I'm adding to it. So I let them know about Hey, this is my response when bad stuff happens and it's nothing with you, right. I just need to be able to take that time and I think being a coach them up on how we respond when bad stuff is going to happen and no one ourselves. At the same time, I think if we talk about that non stressful environments, then when it does get bad, we've already kind of prepared for you know what I mean. It's like yet rob just needs a time. He's going to be okay. And you know I see a lot with businesses is they just keep digging up that body, that mistake. Once you do the autopsy on it and you bury it. I don't see many people digging up the bidies to keep looking at it again and saying, hey, why do we make this mistake? You let it bury, I mean you let it see, let it stay buried and you got to be able to move on from it. And I see a lot of times a businesses man, they really do. They get Hamstrung by the mistakes that have happened and they can't get past it. And is there a way to kind of train themselves to not do it and not get caught up on that or or, you know, kind of a even if it's just like a mental activity that helps them out like that? Well, I think it is it's being able to go through some worst case scenarios and you know, if this happens, this is going to be our response to it. And you know, Jeff Van Gundy, when the you know, Hall of fame coaches, said this one to me, and I really enjoy this one. He said we'd always talked about stressful situations and non stressful environments, and so the most important thing is going to be protecting the mission. Nobody is more important than that mission. You got to protect that mission and so, you know, people's feelings in those kind of situations aren't really going to be important. But what happens, is what I think, is it always comes back to the debrief. If we can't debrief it, if we can't look at it and say, Hey, okay, what went well, what didn't go well, and it just gets kind of get back to business. He's that, then there are things that don't get resolved and that's why so many teams look at film. We look at film and then we move on from it. That's the only way we're going to get better and that's the power that I see is always going to be in the debrief, from coaches, from business owners, whatever it's going to be, and I just think proactively being able to look at worstcase scenarios and what's going to be our response to it. How are we going to react to that stuff? I'm sorry, see I even messed up right. I always say reaction. How are we going to respond to it? And it's it's only, I think, when we prepare for those moments that hey, it's okay, we prepared for this. What's going to be our response? How we move on from it? I think that Seguentes nicely into something else I wanted to chat about, which is something you've written several articles on the Yips, which I think are a just a fascinating subject in general. So for folks that don't know what the APPS are, can you quickly explain what they are and then how can someone overcome them? Yeah, so the hips are an involuntary flinch or freezing. Usually happens in the putting stroke, but a fine motor movement. It can happen Dennis, can happen to piano players. So any kind of real fine movement that they have becomes an involuntary twitch. Could happen with drivers of the Golf Ball, and that's that's what the absorber and and what happens, though, is what's important, is it's it's the fear of that event happening. It in the anxiety of it that they I could possibly freeze, I could possibly have, you know, an involuntary twitch. It's that fear that causes it to happen. And that's the piece that was always important. Is If you can overcome that fear, if you...

...can overcome that anxiety about it, then you kind of bypass it in the brain finds another pathway to make that happen. And that was what the hips are all about, man, and I did that for my dissertation and that this is how cool my dissertation was, man. I got to be at the Golf Course Recording Data as my dissertation, and you know, that's I knew I picked the right feel when I was doing that. And the you know, in a nutshell, though, that's that's what the hips are. We always we overcame it by being will find the strategies to overcome that, that deep rooted gut feeling of fear and anxiety that was going to happen. That's awesome. Yeah, I'm thinking of I know, Nick Anderson of the Orlando Magic as an off sited example of that's where he messed for free throws in an NBA finals game and then just like plummeted as a free throw shooter. And I think that was my first I think that was the first time I had heard of the hips and yeah, ever since then it's just it's so interesting to me because I think even if you don't play a sport like you can totally relate to that of freezing up when you do something. Maybe you're given a speech or something, and it might not be the Yips by definition, but you're like, this is a situation I don't like to be in and you you have to overcome it. Yeah, you know, it's really funny that you mentioned Nick Anderson, because I cut that article out. I still have that article because, you know, he started seeing sport psychologist. I mean that was early s man I was. I cut all those things out and I wanted to see what, you know, because Nick Anderson was incredible player and I was really looking forward. He was going to be speaking a conference a couple years ago, but it couldn't make it and I was looking forward to that, man, because I was like, I brought that article with me and it did it, but it affected the whole game because then he stopped driving to the basket. He stopped driving to the basket, he settles for Jumpers, outside Jumpers, and his whole game change. But it does, man. It's same thing that you know the O for five with five strikeouts, that it kind of happened there, because we kind of get so caught up and stuck inside our own head we can't get out of it and it it's amazing how powerful the brain is. Brain does not want us to be back in that kind of situation, so it's going to shut down and we can't really think straight or clearly and the I'm glad you brought that one up, man, because that was one of the reasons why I got in the whole field to begin with. It's it's just so yeah, it's so interesting. I know I keep saying that, but it's just I just like yeah, and that's why I like you know, if you know mental coaches are listening and those that really get out in that's why I always still a catastrophe theory of anxiety was really true. I'd never bought into kind of you know, the inverted you that I believe you have an optimal zone right of being able to function. You know, it's a lot of excitement, you know, coupled with a good challenge. I believe in that. But what happens is, and that's where Puke and rally comes into play, is it's that one mistake that causes an extreme dropoff in performance. You can't tell me that Nick Anderson wouldn't make at least two out of those four right. I mean, the odds of that doing it. And so that's why it's when it just that that one mistake that we make causes another, and it caused another and they see extreme drop in performance. That's the one that I've seen, and so it's so important for all of us is if we can just overcome that one mistake, we're going to be able to rally. I really believe that and I know that to be true, man, and that's why all New Year's resolutions, I don't say all eighty percent of them, fail, is because what happens, right, man, we're cruising along, things are going great, Bam I miss a workout. Why? Because life gets in the way or overslept, and then all the past mistakes about every made before. We couldn't even do it before. All come rushing back and we say, Huh, see, told you I couldn't do it,...

...and then we miss another and then it's gone. Then it's done. If we can overcome that one or we eat that piece of cake and we say screw it, I blew it, man, we eat the whole cake. It's not the one piece of cake in going to be that problem and it's the attitude that we had towards it. If you can just overcome that one mistake, and that's where I think, like everybody needs a coach. They can help him through those kind of situations. We're going to be rock and roll, we really are. We just got to be overcome that. And I think part of it too, is looking at everything else that was going on, like those missed free throws are often what's pointed at as like that ended up costing them the game. But no, there's a lot more that goes on. I think I've watched a lot of basketball, so this might be I might be mixing up two games, but I think of that same game, with maybe a three minutes left, the magic had a fast break and tried to do this fancy alley oop ended up blowing it and like, if they make that layup, then Nick Anderson, even if he misses those free throws, like that's fine. And I think, like you were saying, like you miss a workout, but look at all the other workouts that you have done and you're one little setback along the way as not the end all be all, like you're saying. Yeah, that's why I wrote it, man, because I just think it's our attitude of what happens to us, even mentally, and you know, we were no longer in control, and when we can have others around us, I think that can point out that blind spot. Why is it that we can tell a teammate, hey, shake that man, don't worry about it, right, needs you here. We can't tell ourselves that right. Why is that? I always think it was an amazing thing. The only thing I've ever come up with is I don't think we were meant to coach ourselves. I think we were men to allow others to be able to coach us in those kind of situations, because we lack the ability to do that now again. I don't need somebody coach me up on how to brush my teeth. Right, I can do this, but when it comes to people, when it comes interaction, when it comes to high stress environments, man, I absolutely need people because it's the only time that other people can kind of coach me up and get me in that right head space. I need to be it, and you certainly done a lot of coaching as well, as we've talked about. And puke and rally is your is this your seventh book? Yeah, it's a seventh warning you've written. So do you have just a classic Book Writing Process Down Pat now, or have you found that the process is kind of been different for each one? I wish got easier. I do have the process, but the thing is is I wish I got easier. It doesn't get any easier. It gets harder, and the reason why is because I already said this. I can't say it again. You know what I mean. I can't, I mean, I can't, you know, put the pig in different clothes. You know what I mean. And so, but the only process I was ever come up with, and this was from Dan check. He was at Georgia's southern always considered him to be a mentor of mind, because anything's a fantastic guy I'm getting my master's degree, getting ready to do my thesis, and he addressed everybody, told people this and there's a little conference. All you need to do is you write one hour every day, mic drop like. That's it. You turn it into a workout. I can't sit and write for four hours at a time. Maybe some people can, but if you follow like John Grisham, he would write for one hour every day and then would go to, you know, being his trial attorney, I can do one. You know, if you make it a workout, you can show up and do an hour for the workout. You show up, you sit down, you rite for one hour every day and there's going to be a couple of times remiss, but that part's okay. But if you sit down one hour, hour and a half every day, you leave yourself at a good spot. Before you know it, man of three weeks now you've got some progress, sixty days now, you got some progress, ninety days hey, now you're looking, you know, pretty good. And that's the only time. I really believe that if anybody looks for a way to do it, that's the way to do it. Maybe some people can do grind out sessions and ultramarathon. He's a writing buddy. I can't, man, it's a lonely process and you go in a bunch of different directions. One hour every day like that. I need to start implementing that as well, because I'll try to do they especially if I have a...

...couple different freelance purses I'm working on. I'm like, yeah, let me block out two or three hours and sometimes I'm going through it, three hours pass and I'm like, oh, that was awesome, but more often than not I'll get distracted halfway through or someone will call me or shoot me a text or something I get. I'm reading that and I like that. Tree at like a workout, and work out man, one hour, and this is the way I look at it. To me, especially when the riding, it was like because I get my exercise done the morning to you know, so they're always became that balance. But when I had a right man, I mean I was so excited getting up in the morning just knowing there's not gonna be any distractions and I'm just just writing. And this is the piece too. I think it's important, is there's not any good writing, there's just good rewriting. So it's not trying to make it perfect, man and look like the Mona Lisa on the first he'll go around and just get it out right, puke it out on the paper, and then he can you like this one. Then he can just rally going back and saying boy, that's sound at awful. But I get the kind of a point. How do we Polish that up and make it sound better? No, good writing, only good rewriting. Awesome. Yeah, I totally agree with that. There's many times, just looking back at the first draft, I'm like God, this is not good, but you know the essence of what you're trying to say and you can make it sound a lot better. I'm trying to think. I think it was hemmingway would do. He would like stop writing in the middle of a sentence so that when he came back the next day he could like get started on it and he didn't have any writers block or anything like that. That's very if I've ever tried that, but I like yeah, I guess not that smart. I mean I can try to leave myself at a good spot, but I think within snow distractions, you can you just power through it. You know I mean, because it's like that it's just got one hour. I can do this short term goal. Right, I can do that. Yeah, I think just leaving the phone, which can be difficult sometimes, of like hey, what if there's an important colls like what are the chances of that? Yeah, especially if I am in the morning it. Yeah, now, one thing I like to do with this podcast is ask guests a question that they wish they were asked more frequently, and I liked yours a lot. Of what's a common theme among successful people that no one thinks about? Oh Boy, I'm so glad you ask that. And this like I knew or something. Yeah, every successful person, every person of significance, every one of them was told at some point by someone close to them that's a bad idea, you can't do it, don't even try it. It was either that or their circumstance told them you're not good enough. Every everyone, I've yet to come across. And so why? Why is that? Because that became a fish or cut bait moment. There's no ambiguity when someone close to you says, buddy, you're not that good. There's no ambiguity when you get cut from the team. And so we either agree with that negative voice or that negative person, and there's probably a little bit true to it, right, but we either agree with that or we agree with ourselves, and a lot of people turn into I'll show you you know. That's fine, but I think it's proven yourself right and staying true to that convictions and true to yourself. That's the piece that we have. And you talk about a puke moment, right, being fired, being told you're not good enough, like, what do you mean? I've dedicate a whole life to this m and and then those become the moments, because he can't sit on the fence and that it can't be like yeah, maybe you're right. No, it's an if and or go moment, and that's why I kind of say Fisher cut bait, right, you didn't fish, you're going to catch it, or cutting bait and run it and and that becomes the big separator and that's the piece I've seen of every successful person. That becomes a differentiated Nice I like that a lot. What kind of answers have you done for for the question? Yeah, that people wish they asked more. I one of them trying to think of a...

...good recent one. One of them said, but or maybe this was for the top three, but it was top three ways to sleep with a cat, which I thought was very outside the box, especially because number three was just kick the cat out of the bed because they take up too much space and are way too hot with their furry bodies. I thought that was pretty good. I spoke with a musician a little while ago and he he wanted to be asked more about like bad gigs that he's done, which I think is always interesting. I always love asking that too. For musicians it's just like the worst show you've ever played, because I think again, that really lingers with you and it's like, okay, what can we do next time to avoid that? And sometimes it's nothing like maybe the person running the venue with just bananas and insisted you like eat mm's while you were playing or something, you know, something weird like that. But it's just I feel like the stories of failure or, you know, something going wrong are a lot more interesting and I think you can take more out of them. You know. I mean Seinfeld saved that the what people thought of the pilot for Seinfeld and they were and they were all is in that good. It's you know it's not going to go anywhere. Don't don't support it. You know, Seinfeld, and reason why bring that one up is because, if you talk about like Comedians, every comedians bombed at some point, right, every single one of them. Man, it's inevitable, and that's the way I see it. If you want to go down that path of really achieving that full potential about being the absolute best that you can be and and live in your life's purpose, you are going to Puke and you have to know that. It's just part of it. And it's being able to Puke and then it's being able to rally and then just keep moving forward from that. If it's that simple. It's just not that easy, right, because there's a lot of pain, or as a lot of baggage that comes with it. But that's the way the conviction comes into play and that's why I love ultra marathons, man, because really all you have to do is just keep moving. They don't tell you how bad it hurts at mile eighty. You Know How man, I've done one marathon in my life and that that was hurtain. I would say Aroun Mouth Sixteen, I think, is when I really first was like, Oh, what have I done? But loved it. Like I tell everyone, at least run a marathon, at least one absolutely one, because it's it's wonderful. So maybe an ultra someday. But Man, my knees are like tightening up just thinking about okay, so, rob you're almost off the hook here. All right, would like to wrap up with the top three, and you're I'd love to chat about your top three sporting moments. My top three sporting moments? Yes, so not from a client, but just from me. It can be whatever that means to you at whether it's something you've been at, maybe a game or match, or something you've been at, something you've participated in. It can be a mixed across the board. Just three sporting moments where you were like this is fantastic, but that's a really good one. Man. You know, I'm I'm not a big celebrator. I got to get into you know, because I'm a maybe to a default, you know, but I think we I could think I got to celebrate more because I look at things and it's like man, that's great, now that's just another bar. You know, there's always them. Back to work, I mean one of the best things was seeing the very first golf of that I've worked with on a real indepth basis for about four years and seeing everything that we work for come through when he won his first PGA to or event. That one was so big because he had a big setback and but is able to come back and still win it. Definitely say that one's still going to be one man because the joy of it from a coach and knowing everything that we've prepared for that the it's tough, man.

I mean, you know, every every one of my ultras has been a Puke and Ronny moment. I mean doing an iron man finishing iron man was, you know. I mean that was great finish in the fifty mile. I would definitely say JFK fifty miler. That was a significant moment because that race went according to plan and when that negative voice really kicked in and wanted me to walk, I said, screw you, man, we're out of here, you know, we're run it and didn't walk at all in that race and you know, Ryan respectful time and ran some ten hour or something. That was good. You know, I would definitely say, and this one always kind of stuck with me and I know this is back right I'm going to I'm going to throw out a little league one. Nice. Yeah, my dog, we had different pinchers growing up. My dog had died like the day before and it was kind of one of those things, you know, as a twelve year old, I'm going to dedicate performance to my dog, and I went out there and I threw a two hit shutout and went three hundred forty three, with a home run and two doubles and the only home and run I've ever hit my life, man, and that was that was one of those peak, peak moments. Man. I mean, I could throw out golf and shooting under par, but it was still, you know, seeing the potential, seeing like that was. That was in the zone. One of those days, you know, and just to know what it was called then, and I always kind of got back to that one because that was only home run ever hit. You know, the cool thing about this, and the thing I love about sports, is like the best moments are you don't even feel it, like you don't feel the home run, you don't feel the perfect shot. A lot of times when the ball gets released from the hand, you only feel that and that's not always thought. That was just such a cool thing, you know, and when you're in the zone like Evelyn, feel that stuff. I think that's the best part about sport, man. That's why I get so geeked about it. Those are my three, man, I'll put those out there. Love it, I love it, little leg man. Yeah, literally, it's amazing how we still, like I still remember specific little legue moments too, and it's just like they stick with you. It's awesome. Yep, you currently have dogs now too. Yeah, we got a chocolate lab, man curd of a dog. Is such a great dog, such a good girl. Awesome. Yeah, looking so much. She goes on the runs with a messages. She's doing twenty miles. Yeah, that's impressive. Yeah, I don't do it. I don't do it a lot with her. Like I think her comfort zone is kind of like ten to thirteen, but we're out there five. I am kind of on the trail and she's leaving the way a whole waiter loves it, and she just sleep in the rest of the day or she ya took a nap. She'll take a nap until the afternoon that she's back up to me. She's right. Yeah, run again. Yeah, it's a lot of that's awesome, rob this is fantastic. There's so much. I'm like, when we're done recording, I feel like I need to go conquer the world after this. I feel right now awesome. If people want to reach out, want to pick up a copy of PUKE and rally or any of your other you're almost up to double digit books now. Any of your other books or or read anything else even room. Where can they find you? Well, I appreciate that. Man, my website, you know, it's just it's just all one word. It's Dr Rob Bell, so it's Dr Rob bellcom twitter, still my add man. I love that one, but it's just all the case. Dr Rob Bell. Yeah, I got newsletter goes out every Friday and yeah, I'm just appreciate being on here. May do good work. Absolutely appreciate you coming on. This is fantastic and of course we got to end with a Corny joke, as is customary around here, and sin's basketball is my favorite sport. Will make a basketball themed. Why is basketball the grossest sport to play? Don't know, because everyone's just dribbling all over the court. Nice. It's back to full but tell my daughter. She's just a dad joke,.

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